Good bye to my sweet clown

No longer will I see your face
No longer will I see you Grin
No longer will I hear the snap snap snap
Of excitement and glee just for me

No Longer will I hear you snort
No longer will I see you dance,
No longer will I see that gray plum tail
wag wag wag in your silly prance.

Never long enough, too hard to let them go,
Tears flow so freely, but I do Know
That it's time to let you go.

I still remember the day you chose me. .I had nothing to do with it.

Bonnie told me to return PC, who was a sweet boy, but had not turned out. .. he didn't run, wasn't show quality, and she had the perfect pet home for him. So I brought him back, and she let me choose between the boys in that litter. . you chose me, when we pulled you out for me to interact with you, you draped yourself over my knee, looked up at me, clacked your jaws and grins, your eyes glittering, and said
"You are mine"

I tried so hard to find an elegant name for you. Not only because Bonnie threatened jokingly to repossess you if I gave you a cursed name but because Borzoi are SUPPOSED to be elegant. So I tried hard, but I
couldn't find a name that fit you other than your puppy name "Super Grins". . .and thus you were dubbed "Grins AKA Grinnies"

As a friend said later in life, it fit, as you were a silly, goofy, dork of a boy.

First week I had you, you put a hole in the door of my brand new Explorer. . little did I Know, that was just the start of our adventures.

You were crazy, fanatic for the bunny. The bunny was your nemesis and you lived to kill it, to the point I learned the hard way when you almost killed yourself at the II, having ran your back off.

You would stand at the line and scream and clack your jaws like a 90 lb whippet. I in fact called Bonnie one year and asked where the hell the whippet was in your pedigree as you were NOT normal whatso ever. One
competitor used to complain you intimidated her dogs. Once the bunny moved and you wers slipped
you were quiet and deadily to kill it.

You would often grab the line behind your back teeth and refuse to let it go. . The Centennial National we did everything, grabbed you by your boys, blew in your ear, water in your ear, in your nose, Tom Golcher grabbed the line to make it slack, at which point you released it and bit again to get a better hold.
Catching his thumb in the process. It took cutting the bunny off the line  to make you happy.

I ran you for your JC that day with a muzzle on, to keep a reenactment of the earlier days runs, and a long time Borzoi fancier came to me after you came in on the end like a banshee, Slammed your face into the ground, and flipped over and on your back, that "it had been a long time" since she'd seen a borzoi like that. . .

You finally outgrew the face smack/back flip, but the damage to your neck was already done, which caused you to be semi-retired, and then permanently retired.

Car rides were your favorite thing to do outside the bunny, and the memory of you hanging out my window, grinning at the pedestrians the day I got lost in Manhattan will be forever in my mind. You were only happiest with your face into the wind.

I was never afraid if you were with me. You scared more than one person away with your huge Cheshire cat grin.  You  grinned, you clacked your teeth, you snorted, your pranced. There was entire routine to your grinning.

None of your puppies do that

You weren't fancy, you weren't elegant, what you were, was made for running. Not everyone's cup of tea, but you were my fuzzy goofy boy who could make me laugh at the drop of a hat

You were my court jester. . no matter how crappy my day was, I could rely on you to make me laugh with your grinning antics. .

Not sure what I will do now that the court jester is gone.

Race swift, race fast, I never thought you'd be the last brother left in this litter. . and my heart is broken.

ER thought it was pancreatitis, and within a week he is gone. . he had such a gargantuan presense, the house is so damn empty without him.

FC Silkenswift Rider of the Storm SC, FCH, GRC, ORC
9/9/02-6/3/13

Thank you Bonnie Dalzell from the bottom of my heart for my boy.

Circle of life and all that crap

Circle of life

it just ain't fair.

11 yrs ago, I was waiting on pins and needles to see if my darling Kyra was going to grace me with another litter. .she had had her tryst with the handsome DC Silkenswift Blaze of Chaos SC, CD, LCMIV, SGRC, SORCII and it was a waiting game. She eventually gave birth to what became my most successful litter to date. .. luck had a lot to do with that, I got them in homes that ran them for the most part. . . .lots of firsts, a lot of fun.Unfortunately, luck was not on my side for my three keepers. I lost my Races(Mielikki A Day At the Races SC) to the dog flu at 4.5, after he'd sired a lovely litter that gave me my heart dog Gossip, I lost his brother Obie(BIF FC Mielkki My Fairy King MC, FCH) to bone cancer, but their sister(Mielikki PRophet's Song GRC) stayed on with me. .

she was a homebody for a few years, always the perfect house dog (except for her infatuation with the cat box), never demanding, 23 hr and 50 min bladder if I let her, happy to do nothing more than lay at my feet, tho she did enjoy our long walks. She suddenly took to racing at 6+, finishing her GRC as a veteran against younger dogs at 7+. Giving me a lovely litter at 8+ yrs old, never sick a day in her life, some neck problems for a bit last winter, but bounced back from that and spaying at 10+, winning BOS in a huge veteran sweeps last fall and winning Best in Sweeps this year, not looking her age at all.

Summer 2011 at 10.5+

Last month, my last remaining get of Kyra, my sweet Dei, came up lame, and then a huge lump over her hip bone. Took her to the vet, an aspiration came up blood, so the initial DX was a nasty hematoma. The lump didn't go away, in fact, it got larger, and the medicine, specifically previcox, put her in the ER with a bleeding ulcer. . She made it thru that, only to have that damn lump be even bigger. .and unfortunately in a place that isn't easy to remove. . it pressed into the nerves in her hip joint. . .cancer sucks. So fast, in less than four weeks from no lump to this. ..

Trotting in the Veteran's ring BCGNY 2011

Vet doesnt' want to put her under for a biopsy, so idea what kind of cancer exactly, just a nasty, fast growing one. We're taking it one day at a time. . long as she's eating and able to get up to go potty, we'll just take it one day at a time, but it kills me. . they're just not here long enough. . .

Her two remaining siblings are doing well .. Eros doesn't look his age, Scirocco looks older than both of them, may be her inky dark face. But I don't have the bond with them that I do with Dei . .she was the one who stepped into Obie's shoes when he left, holding the spot for Gossip and keeping it warm, always next to me, always just there. . the thought of that space being empty has me in tears.

Vet called Saturday with no hope from the specialists. .the one said we could go to germantown for radiation, but with 3-4 days a week, not feasible with a day job, and too far to go to drop her off and go to work. Another said chemo might only give her amonth or two, and not worth doing that. . .not when she'd be sick and miserable from the chemo

So, we take it one day at a time. . she's happy, snoozing away next to me, or in front of the TV, enjoying her special dinners of whatever she'll eat. . and I try not to dwell on the near future. .

Treasure

Well, Treasure's still ticking, still snuggling in bed, still talking to me, still demanding to be petted. We took him off of lasix last week since my vet doesn't think it's his heart and he started eating, not what he should be eating, but with his belly full of ascites, not a lot of room to eat. . .but he is eating on his own. In fact, 9 times otu of 10 he'll pop up with interest at the sound of the popcan.

I think my vet is surprised at how bright eyed and alert he was when we went in Monday. .. he tried palpating him, but could feel nothing because of the fluid. He drew some off, sent it to the lab, but it was inconclusive. We may attempt another ultrasound.

I've started crating him during the day. Pippens can be a little jerk sometimes, as can Herbie, Treasure's littermate. . .it also allows him the leisure of eating his canned food without the butthead twins eating it first. As soon as I open it, he jumps shakily on the bed and curls up, waiting for me to join him. He's been enjoying kitty crack(catnip), and loves nothing more than being brushed, Vane little boy.

He has his good nights, like last night, where he spent all night on my bed, either on my pillow or at my feet. I woke up with him curled up against me, purring. . not sure if it was a good purr or a "Mommy I hurt Purr". . .so we spent time cuddling before I had to get up. Night before, he spent most the night on the dog bed, may've been softer than the human bed. or maybe he got sick of Mom's tossing and turning. .

A little apprehensive about going out of town next weekend. . last time i left a sick kitty at the kitty spa, I lost her. . .I know he'll get the best care, but thankfully I won't be too far away if need be. . .

calling a spade a spade & losing another one

Last week, my favorite kitty started ailing, suddenly. With cats, they'll be fine one day, and then the next, almost overnight, they are suddenly ill, and that was him. Last weekend he was fine, last Tuesday he had an extended abdomen and muscle wasting on his hips. No one knows for sure why they show no illness until it's too late when they are really ill, but it makes treating them hard to do, because by the time you know they're sick, the disease/illness is so far along, you usually can't do anything but say goodbye.

Unfortunately, it's not something he can get better from. .it's either heart failure or cancer. . .the vet wasn't very optomistic due to how fast he has gone downhill, so is not encouraging me to spend a lot of money just to 'know' what he's sick of. . .he did do an ultrasound, and heart looks normal, but there is so much ascites(liquid in his abdomen), they couldn't get a look at his other organs to see if there were any tumours. He's so weak, exploratory surgery is out, and I'd hate to have him die on the table. I'd rather he passed at home, or in my arms, not on a cold table.

So, it's just a guess, just like when I lost Schatzi the same way, fine one day, suddenly ill the next.

So it's just a waiting game. ..

Up until yesterday, he was being better than past cats(which total 5 I've had to forcefeed) in letting me put food in the back of his mouth and swallowing it. Today not so patient and nice, wanting nothign to do with the chicken I made him, tho he did eat 1/2+ of a can of fancy feast today while I was at work. . problem is, he should be eating about 4 of those a day

Unfortunately with cats, going off their food will kill them faster than just about anything, due to 'fatty liver disease'.(feline hepatic lipidosis) which causes liver failure. . .so you have to forcefeed them. . .it's not a fun game of making a sick cat eat. . .babyfood is the easiest as it can go thru the syringe easier and is a lot less messy than trying to puree cat food into a nice thin mess. I more often than not get more food on me than in the cat, and hate it, hate spendng the last few days/weeks with an ailing pet fighting them. It's hard enough letting them go, watching them get weaker, without remembering how you fought with them.

Unfortunately, the PC world has encroached into the cat world, and if you tell many 'feel good' cat people you are forcefeeding, they ahve conniptions, they prefer the gentler term 'assisted feeding'. . this isn't a child or older relative that has problems hitting their mouth, you are making an animal eat, forcing them to do something they would rather not due, yet they get soooo damn pissy if you point that out. .and I refuse to use the words 'assisted feeding', when I know what i'm doing is forcing them to eat, even if it's for their own good.

And BOY do they get uptight if you refuse to use their PC words "asissted feeding". . I guess it's their way of making themselves feel better for doing something not so nice. . but I'm sorry, a spade's a spade. .cat has no desire to eat, you're forcing it. Why do people have to fancy up things instead of just being honest with themselves??

it sucks. .treasure is my boy, he's only 8. . this is the 4th in the last 15 months. .and he's nto that old, barely 8 yrs old. .. he stepped into the hole Schatzi left back in 2002. It's only a matter of days really, but as long as he enjoys having his ears scritched and plays with the ribbons on a racing blanket I have in the room, we'll keep going, but my pillow will be so empty when it finally is time

It's never enough

Doesn't matter how long you have them, it's never enough

There's only one call I dread more than the "lost dog" call/email from an owner, and that's the one of "I just lost"
Sunday I got up and checked my email, to receive a note from Sherita Hogan. My friendship with her had become distance over the years, but she was nice enough to let me know that she had had to make that hard decision to let Mir go, Diagnosis Kidney failure.

Mir was the over achiever of my successful Queen litter(11/24/00). When she approached me about a dog back in the fall of 2001, she wanted a performance dog, that's all. . .I offered her Mir, out of the boys I had left, he was keen, but would be too hard to finish in the NE due to missing teeth and a slightly narrow rear. The rest was history.
　
Anything Mir tried, he did well. . .he was officially known as DC Mielikki A Kind Of Magic SC LCM SGRC ORC, one of those rare dogs who could do it all, even the oval where so many dogs fail. And he excelled at it. His wins and career were things of dreams

He finished his GRC & ASFA FCH in four days
And his AKC FC in 6 events with 5 majors
2002 & 2004 Notra Nationals Breed Winner
The first winner of the NOTRA Fezzik Trophy
#19 AKC Coursing Borzoi 2002
#17 ASFA Borzoi in 2002
#2 Notra Borzoi 2002
#4 LGRA Borzoi 2002
#7 LGRA Borzoi 2003
#4 NOTRA Borzoi 2004
#4 LGRA Borzoi 2004
#2 Notra Borzoi 2005
#15 NOTRA All Breed 2005
BCOA Nationals 2005
LGRA
2nd in Meet (To his Nephew!)
High Scoring CH
High Scoring ORC!
Two time winner of the Susan Weinkein trophy Trophy in Region 4(From the veterans class!)

But most of all, he was Sherita's best bud, and a strong brick for her foundation. He's behind numerous dogs now, bred by Zoiboyz, Borchi, Golightly, Celeritas, Silkenswift, Kinobi & Attaway Borzoi, and leaves behind a legacy that'll last forever.

Sister Dei got special breakfast to celebrate his life, and Sister Scirocco & brother Eros got extra loving. . .My heart goes out to Sherita, but also a big thank you, for letting him become what he was meant to do. I know he was loved to the end of his days

Run fast little white boy, catch that damn bunny. . .

http://www.mielikkishunt.com/litters/queen/mir.htm
　

Waiting sucks, but the not knowing. . .

A week later, and still no closer to knowing what killed my girl. . all we know is it was not the same thing as her buddy, the two of them dying like that was just a horrid, awful coincidence. . .

I keep looking for her, keep calling for her. . this morning as i gathered my bag up to head downstairs, I said "Goosie, let's go" and promptly broke down into tears. My relationship with her was close, strong, and she was part of my every day routine as my bed buddy. . .Ziva's trying her hardest to step into her cousin's huge footprints, but she's no Gossip.

I loved Obie, but I think Gossip managed to do what I didn't think would happen, and ease herself even further into my heart. . it may be circumstances are different. . no ex to b*tch about the dog being in the house, living closer to town so we could do more together.

Her and Obie were a lot a like, both thought I was the center of their universe, unless the bunny was around. . . both had their own special hugs they gave to those they cared for. And both were the smartest dogs I've had the joy of owning, and yeah, that includes the English Cocker and the Collie growing up.

I keep going over that last night. . .trying to find something that was 'odd', but I can come up with nothing. She acted completely normal, visiting with the puppies, snuggling with Uncle Jim, doing her OB work when she got riled up and jumped on visitors, cleaned my plate for me, and raced up the stairs to bed. . bright eyed, normal behaviour. . .

A friend asked if she could've gotten into anything, but we are so careful, there's nothing in my room, with the three Muskateers(Treasure, Herbie & Pippens) I am extra careful, and none of them have shown a sign. She wasn't a nosey dog, Surya was the one more likely to find something he shouldn't and eat it. I can't count the number of times I found pill bottles in his toy bottle(thankfully not chewed on, he just collected them). She was such a good dog, I rarely caught her eating cat food, even if the bowl was right under her nose, she didn't raid the cat box, nothing. Another mentioned maybe a rat/gopher had been poisoned and gotten into the yard. .the one time she caught a mouse, she played with it, throwing it up in the air, I could see her Uncle Eros eating somethign like that, but not her. . .and we may never know what killed her. . .

And nobody else(knock on wood) is acting ill or abnormal, but we are of course, watching them all like hawks. ..

The only thing I wonder is if there was a collision in the yard and she threw a clot. . .I'm so afraid we'll never know what killed her. . .

I'm so thankful for Bonnie. . she and Jim have been my rock. I don't think I could handle this without them. .. they know the questions to ask, knew what to do. . .I was a useless puddle. . .

I'm also so very thankful to my long time friend Margaret, who is giving me back Gossip's lovely sister Secret. . I sold Secret when my life went to hell, afraid I'd have to place everything. . .margaret's not in a position to breed a litter, so Ms Secret will be heading home as soon as we can arrange it. . she can't replace Gossip(Nobody can), but maybe with her help, we can 'recreate' as much as you can, my special girl. . .

Miss you Loosie Goose. .and seeing the tears that were shed last weekend, I'm not the only one.

Who wants to live forever, when love must die?

Little over 6 years ago, my beautiful girl TOuchet came into season. I took her down to Bonnie Dalzell's, in hope of getting a breeding with her lovely boy Blaze, sire of my Queen litter. Touchet would have nothing to do with that, she did NOT like Blaze. Bonnie suggested my Blaze son, Races, who looked a lot like his daddy, only in white & brindle, instead of brindle & white. . THAT Touchet approved of.

Two months of anticipation, and finally the pups were coming.. .I remember the last one being a huge white pup, and thinking that's a big boy. .upon examination, I found it to be a white & brindle girl, who was given the tag line "amazon bitch". At over a lb, she was the heaviest puppy I'd ever had born.. .

As time progressed, I found it really hard to pick between the three girls..(The fourth had missing pigment), but finally chose to keep two of them: Amazon bitch then known as Gossip and her pretty sister Secret.

Shortly after I decided which two were staying, I lost their handsome father to the dog flu, and the first real memory I have of Gossip is sitting on the futon, bawling, and her coming up to drape her head over my shoulder.

Those two girls were inseparable but the sweetest things in the world. As they grew up, I was happy to see that the promise i'd seen in both was coming true. Ms Gossip placed at her 1st show (GNY specialty) at barely 7 months, handled by a stranger, with sister Secret winning her sweeps class two days later at BCDV's specialty handled by me. I remember the handler just raving over the muscles GOssip had at that age. .

Shortly after that, I took them racing, it was a handslip meet, and I remember Charlie coming up to me at the finish line, after handslipping my brindle girl "she left scorch marks". . .and the rest became history.

Bonnie warned me that breeding to OFC lined Touchet, that the resulting pups might not chase plastic, and her warning proved true. After getting her JC, she interfered with her Uncle Obie on a cert run, then tried to play with a SD after the bunny broke and got chased screaming off the field. At that point I gave up. . and we hit local racing events.

Her first season of racing, racing very little, she picked up 9 points without a problem, finishing barely out of the top 10 for the year. . unfortunately, that was also the year my life went to hell with the Ex, so we didn't hit that many, but what we hit, she won. . .

Following year, due to a good friend, we went to the BCOA nationals. . it was my last vacation with her Uncle Obie, who died a month later to bone cancer. . she won the LGRA event, shocking me to no end, and thus began the ride of a lifetime.

Up until last year, Gossip ran undefeated meet winner. . unfortunately, the first LGRA nationals we went to, she was attacked and dislocated a toe. . that toe gave her a reoccuring problem until we amputated it completely. . and then there was no looking back.

Introducing her to the box was a breeze, by the third race, she was already figuring it out,a nd even tho she was behind, she caught up and flew by everyone.

Her racing style was rather interesting, leading to Dr Saklad giving her the nickname "G-Biscuit". . she often would stay behind until 1/2 way up the course, and then she'd just fly by the others with no effort.

I'm not sure how many meets she ran in. . but she made records. . only borzoi to become an SGRCII undefeated, only Borzoi to've been #1 two years, only Borzoi to've achived to date, the SGRCIV, and SGRCV titles. And just recently moved into the top 5 all breed.

Unfortunately, our luck in the show ring wasn't as good, and I ended up handing her off to Kari, who put three poitns on her in limited showing this summer, including a specialty placement. A rock solid bitch, judges didn't know what to do with her. She wasn't 'show ring' pretty, she was performance gorgeous. .and built to run.

Inbetween racing, we played with obedience/rally. She proved to not only be fast, but SMART, learning things quickly, and then sometimes decidine she didn't know how to do it. Teaching her the different between the two downs in rally(from a sit, and from a stand) took all of 5 minutes, and she ended up getting her RN the first three times we walked in the ring. . one leg of her RA, and were just ramping up to work hard on those other two legs this fall.

But best of all about Gossip was her personality. . she loved everyone, from kitties, to small dogs on up to people, but she thought I walked on water, wanted to be with me all the time. if I went thru a baby gate and shut it, she'd lay there patiently, waiting for me to come back. Because of her wonderful temperament, I met so many new friends.. and those friends mourn with me now.

Gossip died this morning, taking on her wings and leaving me. .way too early. .we lost my roommate's dog earlier this week under same circumstances. .. and I'd told her last night she had to live forever. .the one and only time she ever truly defied me. . I'm hoping the tox screen and pathology report will give me closure, cuz right nwo, I'm sitting here going WTF???? Trying to remember the good times. . .trying not to cry myself sick, think I've failed this last one. . .

Unfortunately, someone took it upon themsleves to play the 'did you hear' game. . .and I've found this news spread across the internet before I was really ready. . .but here it is. . .

Run swift, run fast Gossip. . kill that bunny
RIP
Mielikki-Windhaven's Petty Gossip JC, CGC, RN, SGRCV
9/24/04-9/17/10

another angel gone

Pandora 4/6/94-5/22/10

More on the national when life slows down. . . it was a stressful week, as soon as I left, Pandora crashed at the vet. . .a week later, she slipped away, less than 36 hrs before I got home. .She was 16 yrs old, but even that wasn't long enough

She was only special to me, a little mongrel blue torbie kitty with an attitude bigger than her body. . .I got her 15+ yrs ago when a co worker had to get rid of cats, and I knew she was the one, as she was born on my birthday, and so she came to live with me and the dogs
She was the prissy princess, loving to snuggle, barely put up with her little brothers who towards the end would harass her to no end, and since she weighed in at 5 lbs to their 15+ lbs, I had to step in on that.
She moved from TX to NY to MD with me, a constant mouthy companion, she didn't put up with much from anyone. She had an attitude, but I loved it.

20 months ago, she was diganosed with thyroid disease, which we maintained with meds, and even tho she dropped down to 5-5.5 lbs, she maintained that weight for over a year. . .visiting the Vets when I went out of town to make sure she got her meds, which she enjoyed, I called it the spa away from the brats . She got all the canned food she could eat, scritches from the nurses, spoiled rotten

I almost cancelled my trip when she started acting sick two fridays ago, but thought it was the cold that had started going thru the dogs. Knowing she'd be better off at the vets, which is something between an ER & a normal vet, with hrs 7am -11pm, 7 days a week, I reluctantly left her, and headed off. . five hours into the trip I get a call that she'd crashed, they did a chemscreen and SubQ fluids, and by the time we got to the hotel, she'd perked up slightly. The next day, they called to tell me she was eating like a piggy.

THe week was a whirlwind of activities along with worry as she would get better, only to get worse. . .the chemscreen came back almost perfect, which confused the vet . .by Thursday, if I hadn't driven out with my handler, I'd've raced home, as I had a feeling this was it. . .

Friday night, she was in my thoughts all night long, and I sent out a thought to her not to hold on for me, if she was ready to go, go. .. that mommy still loved her even if I couldn't hold her one last time. Yeah, cheesy, but it comforts me. . .

Saturday morning, I got awaken by a call, the call I didn't want, my sweet little princess had slipped away from her failing body. . .the vacation I'd been looking forward to for months, became the vacation from hell . .and I feel so bad for not being there to hold her. . .

These are my kids, so it kills me to lose them. .people tell me it gets easier, but after 15 yrs, gotta say, it doesn't get easier, it hurts like hell each time I lose one of them. She was a sweet loving soul, not important to anyone but me, but she was my baby girl

Find Obie & Kyra up there sweetie. . and wait for mommy

Roy Hobbes 7/92-7/09

December 2006, Idiot came to help me pack the U-Haul,end of an era of my life, yeah, at least he was nice enough to come help me do that considering how he had royally karked up my life beyond repair it feels like sometimes. When he showed up, my grey Tabby Hobbes went absolutely nuts. He'd always been idiot's cat, but I refused to let Idiot take him, not when he lived with the scumbag and her child. Afraid that Hobbes would be abused as he had not grown up with kids, and at 15, was too old IMHO to have to learn. So when Idiot told me he'd gone home to live with his Mommy, and asked if he could take Hobbes, tho it killed my heart, seeing how happy Hobbes was to see the Idiot, I said yeah, knowing his mother would make sure Hobbes would get the medical care geriatric kitties end up needing, so knowing he'd be well cared for by Idiot's parents if not by him himself. made Idiot promise to let me know when Hobbes was gone, as well as to cremate him and send him back.

I've wondered the last year if Hobbes was still alive. He wasn't any special type of kitty, just a German Mongrel that Idiot brought home Summer of 93 as a yearling. He made the move from Kaiserslautern Germany to Texas to NY. He was a big lanky kitty, built a lot like a Cheetah, constantly into things, busy busy busy. My favorite memories of him are him waiting to sabotage Idiot's train under the xmas tree, and him helping me with various computer things. He was the computer junky. Was intrigued something fierce by the computer.

He almost died from a spider bite in TX, but otherwise was pretty much healthy except for a bout of Urinary Tract Blockage his entire life. He was opinionated(aren't most kitties), sweet, and a huge chicken. He bore scars on his head from Schatzi knocking the crap out of him one day. He was a great kitty, and my life's been emptier without him.

Got an email on my yahoo account, haven't checked it in awhile, that he was gone. . .At least Idiot kept that promise, tho he broke so many, including the promise he'd cremate my Hobbes and send him to be put in the box with Sushi, Schatzi, Cleo, Fidget, Abu, all who've gone before him. All who were his buddies in crime. I got Sushi when we moved back to the states, and he became Hobbes's best friend. They buried him, kinda ticks me off to no end, but at least I know he was loved these last few years.

He was a great, funny cat, and I still love him something fierce. It was hard letting him go, but I could see on his silly little face how happy he was to see Idiot(at least one of us was), so it made it easier.

Rest in peace my Roy Hobbes, torment the puppies, annoy Schatzi, and keep the rest of them company til it's time to meet me at the bridge.

Mommy & 16.5 yr old Pandora, who's still going

Been a year

It's been a year

But it still hurts so damn much
Still miss you so much
Miss your silly bounce of happiness when I walked in
As if I was your sun, your world
Miss your silly flag ears when I talked to you
As if you understood every word I said.
Miss the way you'd bounce around in circles
So happy with life, even when three legged.
Miss the way you seemed to know what I want,
To know what I thought
Miss the way you'd clean the kitties ears,
So gentle, so sweet, even if they pushed you off your food.
Hope Abu & Fidget found you this year
And that Cleo, Sushi & Schatzi are curled next to you purring
And Brooks is laying beside you
As Kyra, Races & Rinka race around like idiots.
Mama misses you all so much
Miss the way you used to hug, burying your head in my belly with a
sigh of content
Just so happy to be with your mama.
you reserved those hugs for me and me alone,
Except for the one time with Gran
Miss the way you followed me
Wanting to make sure I didnt' go somewhere without you
Miss the way you look at me, showing the love in those little dark eyes.
miss how you liked to go for a ride, just to be with Mom,
head snuggled between the front seats so you could touch me.
waiting for me to roll the window down so you could stick your head out.
Miss our walks
You bouncing around chasing butterflies, rabbits & birds
Always looking back to see if i was coming
Miss our snuggles
Your head on my pillow
your shoulder for me to cry on
Miss the fact you could sleep with me without pushing me out of the
bed, something your sister nor neices can do.




Wish you were here
To make me laugh
To make me smile
I think El Pest* would be your best friend
And I think you'd love the little brat.





Dei tries her hardest
But she's not you, she's not her brother
Gossip's been striving,
But she's not you, she's not her uncle.
You were one of a kind.




Visited Schenectady this weekend, and so many happy memories had me in tears.
I remember how much you adored Grandma, how you'd treat her like you
do me, only gentler. . and so when I cried at her grave for her, it
was also for you
I try to take a page from Mom's book: neither of you are in pain
anymore, neither of you have failing bodies, but I miss you both so
damn much.

But I try and take Solace in the fact that maybe Gran needed you more
than I do, but I still cry so many tears.

It's been a year, but in many ways, it feels like forever yet feels
like yesterday
I miss you baby boy.
-your mom


*El Pest AKA Pippens was given to me after I lost Obie, he's brought a
lot of laughter in my life, but this lil ragdoll is a BRAT.

saying goodby

Fidget was found abandoned in the mountains of germany over 16 yrs ago, she never forgave the human race for the crap she went thru as a wee tiny baby. Never warmed up to us, would shy from me, I had to chase her down to give her any sort of loving. She loved her kitty sibs, and would play and snuggle and bath, but humans are only good to fill the food bowl, fill the water bowl, empty the crapper and turn on the heating blanket.

At her healthiest, she may've weighed 8 lbs, today, she may weigh 2-3, and I think I'm going to have to let her go today.

She was diagnosed with kidney failure back in January, I hate this fucking disease. This will be the third confirmed case I've had in two years, and i wonder if it was the food, as I fed a lot of the food that was recalled over the years.

Up until this last week, she's been doign well, eating decently even tho she's lost weight, not having problems moving around, but last night was hard, she kept meeping, but I couldn't figure out why, it tore at my heart. I woke up to her curled up against my legs, but was so worried about accidentally rolling over on her since she weighs nothing, that I put her in a crate with a towel, opened, but that way the monster threesome couldn't bother her

She got up this morning to get something to drink, but still not hungry. I left this morning with her hunched over on her towel like she's in pain, but not interested in food. I tried to move her back to the crate, and she hopped out and stumbled back to the shelf she's been sleeping on, dragging her back feet.

I wiped food on her nose, she didn't eat, her nose is no longer pink, so i think the anemia that finally took Cleo has her in it's cluthces now. She's nothing but a tiny ancient looking kitty. .

You know you've got a true friend when she's willing to call and make the appointment cuz you know you won't be able to get it out without crying your heart out.

Doesn't mean I'm not crying, just don't have to get words out while I'm crying, and so glad my back is to the door of my cubicleso nobody can see me bawling.

But she'll have plenty of company with her big brother Schatzi, and Mama Cleo, mr I am Siamese if you please Sushi, Abu the chatterbox, and sweet shy spook, and the little angel I didn't have long enough Morgaine, let alone the dogs. . .my home'll just be empty without her evil little looks, her growling when I pick her up, and the insistant squeaks when she hears the can opener.

When she laid on the bed this morning and let me scritch her chin, and didn't move, I had to realise she's tired of this world.

This isn't the first, it's not even the 12th time I've lost someone i've loved. . .When does it stop hurting so much to let them go. .she's not my first, she's not even my tenth, she doesn't love me, so why does it hurt so much.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan." ----Irving Townsend